Psychological Pitfalls of a Remodel

Psychological Pitfalls of a Remodel

If you hate the thought of remodeling because you can't stand the chaos, here are some coping tips.

By Carla Vincent

It's said that "a man's home is his castle." But when your castle is being remodeled, it can feel like your kingdom is under siege. You come home with groceries for dinner and find that your kitchen has been demolished; the painter calls for the third time and says he won't show up for another two weeks; your contractor casually announces you're 100 percent over budget.

You might feel like throwing a fit or firing the entire crew. Those feelings are quite normal, says Sacramento, Calif. therapist Suzie Soule. "Recognize that anger and frustration are normal reactions to an abnormal situation," she explains.

Here's why home remodeling taxes your emotions, and what you can do about it.

1. Disturbing the Nest

When you remodel, you can feel you've lost your haven, the one place you can totally relax, decompress and be yourself. "Our home symbolizes something that is constant in this crazy world," says Rebecca Cutter, who, a decade ago, enlarged her 850-square-foot cottage in San Diego to a 2300-square-foot home to accommodate a growing family and her psychotherapy practice.

"When your home is under attack, you feel that way too. Minor things add up, and you blow up. You turn on the faucet and forget there's no water. Your clothes are covered with dust. One night I turned the wrong direction and walked into a wall. I was that disoriented."

What's the best thing to do?

Get away, suggests Lois Nightingale, a clinical psychologist in Yorba Linda, CA. "Clear your mind. Rejuvenate," she says. "Feed the ducks at the park, work out at the gym, take a meditation class. If you can, take a minivacation or get away for the weekend."

2. Loss of Control

It's easy to feel you've lost control of your domain during a remodel. With workers coming and going, it's hard to enjoy your daily routine. And when you realize the project will take three times as long and cost twice as much, you might question the wisdom of what you've done.

Your best defense is taking positive, decisive actions. At the start of your project, communicate your needs openly and honestly.

You can also benefit by setting goals to accomplish one task at a time. "Write down the steps to be taken one by one. "It might be hiring an Architect or going to me Dixieline to buy your kitchen faucet. Whatever it is, put necessary actions into bite-size pieces that you can easily handle."

3. Disillusionment

Homeowners often fantasize about the picture-perfect home. It might be a gourmet kitchen with top-of-the-line appliances. French doors to the patio. Hardwood floors throughout.

Then reality sets it. You don't have space in the kitchen for a trash compactor and two ovens. French doors cost triple what you thought. The new hardwood floors are starting to buckle.

"Don't romanticize the project. It's not a fantasy," says Cutter, who recently retired from her therapy practice and moved to Portland, Ore. "The more you are wedded to a particular outcome, the more disappointed you will be. Have other options."

Remodeling doesn't always have to tax our emotions. With the right attitude, good planning and a good contractor, the process can be enjoyable, says Sacramento, Calif. homeowner Kristen Atkinson.

"We paid top dollar for our contractor and he put down the red carpet. The crew cleaned up every day before they left," Atkinson says. Husband Stan at the time was working as evening news anchor for a local television station. He needed to sleep late every morning, so the crew started work at 10 a.m.

The Atkinsons rarely felt displaced while their home was remodeled. "Part of our home was functioning at all times," she explains. "When the kitchen was being remodeled, I used the sink in the darkroom downstairs."

When the Atkinsons' wooden decks were refinished and new granite countertops installed in the kitchen, they missed the noise and dust. They were on vacation. "It also pays to be flexible and have a sense of humor," she says.

Below are some additional links to helpful information

Paying For Your Remodeling Project in San Diego

Additional Work

The Right Choices

Communication with the remodeling company

Speak up, communicate, clarify!

The Pre-Construction Home Renovation Meeting

Timing and Schedules, its sunny in San Diego

Delays and Frustration, how to work it out

Be flexible and be realistic

Inconveniences can happen

Preventing the Home Remodeling Fever