Chillin in San Diego

Chillin' in San Diego

During the Ingers' first extensive renovation back in the mid-1970s -- when their kitchen, living room, and dining room were completely gutted -- the contractor wanted to finish the new, octagonal living room with "cottage cheese," a stucco-like material that would cover up cracks and mistakes.

It was definitely not in keeping with Jeri's vision. "I got very upset, very emotional," she remembers.

What Jeri couldn't do -- at first -- was coolly express her firm opposition. It was a memorable life lesson. "That's when I finally learned how to say 'No,' " Jeri says.

The Ingers have found that men and women often handle anger differently.

For women: Find a way to be coolly assertive when there is a difference of opinion with remodeling professionals, who are usually male. Don't let your emotional reactions get in the way. Step back, take a deep breath, and just say no. Try to express your thoughts -- not the emotion.

For men: Underlying competitive, control issues tend to heat things up between men and contractors. Back off, take time out, and come back to the problem later with a cooler head.

Another anger management tip: To help take the edge off, try to take the long view: These annoyances are just small change compared to your long-term gains.

If something starts to get your goat when you're in the thick of the project, ask yourself if you are really reacting to the cumulative stresses and strains of it all. And if that's the case, plunk yourself in your neighbor's hot tub for half an hour -- before you mangle the sensitive relationships with your remodeling professionals or your family.